Opening up is freeing...

I was a hysterical crying mess yesterday during the party. In fact his cousins were really the supportive and just listened and encouraged. He asked if I was ok, and I said I was. It was liberating to be able to say what was going on. To know that they know and will be nothing but supportive, and then hear their struggles with Trying to Conceive.

I can't wait to have the discussion with my mom. With his family, I realize I need to be open and honest with people about what is going on. So instead of getting upset over people that keep asking, I now realize they don't mean to be putting pressure on me, they are just curious, and what is better than to have people praying for me in our struggles.

I am reminded this morning of a friend who took a big step in our small group session of the Women's Retreat to tell us of their struggles. They were the children's pastor, and were feeling incredible pressure to have kids of her own, but at 16 she was told that she would never have children. She talked about her struggles with people asking, and trying to adopt children. The adoption always seemed to fall through, and finally she was blessed with two wonderful boys. She and her husband had a church family who was praying for them, and I am sure she went through the same struggles I am having today.

Today we travel home, but tomorrow I will pee on the last test I have and see what it says. I have been sick on and off all day yesterday, I woke up at 3 am nauseous, and today I woke up with a headache, not to mention the cramping and the peeing all the time I have been doing. Every night for the last few night I have gotten up twice to pee. I am expecting a negative, but I think that I will still do it. You never know right?