Am I strong?

“Wow, you are so strong?” Am I? I don’t feel that way. I feel broken. Why do I have to go through this? Why is it that there are people in this world who shouldn’t be parents or aren’t ready to be parents become parents, when I would make a great mother and can’t be one without medical help? Medical help that I can’t even get because while PCOS is a medical condition, in the fertility sense it is not, and therefor not covered by insurance because I am electing to go that route. My body doesn’t ovulate on it’s own, but if I want birth control (which there isn’t a need for it if my body essentially is doing that itself) then they would be happy to help with that. I am pregnant and don’t want to be, they would be more than happy to pay for that, but if I want to get pregnant, sorry they won’t help with that.

In this sense I feel broken. I can’t give my husband the one thing that he has always wanted to be. I can’t be that one thing I have always wanted to be. No matter what foods I do or don’t eat, no matter how much or little exercise I do, it won’t help me. So how can I be strong? Is it because I have so much to face? I have severe PCOS, I have a rare brain disease, and with both I am dealing with a lot medically. A lot of tests, visits to Dr’s and possible surgeries. Does this make me strong?

All I know is that I get through every day with prayer. That God is working in my life somehow and that there is a meaning for all of this. I can only know that I will persevere and somehow I will find a way to be happy and to work through all of this. I just have to be patient and keep praying that my prayers will be answered. Find the good in every day.

My good: No headache since the beginning of December other than a few mild ones. Nothing like the previous three months in which I thought my head would explode.