can it be any worse...

The last week has been tough. I had blood work done to see if I was pregnant, and of course it was negative. I think I am fated to just see negative at this point. I am on CD 81, and last week when told that I needed to go see a specialist, I was in tears. Seeing an infertility specialist meant that my insurance wasn't going to cover those visits or treatments. I was devastated because it meant that this might never happen.

I really didn't want to hear that this is what God had planned for us. I have a rare disease with no cure, I have PCOS on top of that, and it just seemed hopeless. I cried for two days, and quite a bit of the third day. I was depressed, and my poor DH didn't know how to handle that depression. I saw the reality of the situation, and didn't see the hope. How could I knowing that we couldn't afford to pay for those treatments. Sure we could scrounge the money for the first visit, but what about any visit after that?

All I could see was the worst case scenarios. Luckily when I went to the Dr yesterday, I was given hope. He diagnosed me with PCOS (finally!!) and after some blood work, next week most likely we will be starting the climid process (all of which is covered by insurance). I can't wait, and all of this in time for our first anniversary on Saturday. Things are looking better, and we can't wait for that little miracle.

Am I...?

So I believe that I am ovulating. Hard to believe that 58 days in I might have ovulated on Day 56 of my cycle. I wasn't so focused on it at the beginning of the month because we were still in wait and see mode with my IIH, and now that we have the go ahead, I am getting really excited to see what happens with this cycle, or if my Dr will have to get it jump started. I am so ready for the next step, and finally have hope again.

I no longer struggle with seeing other women announce their pregnancies. It isn't hard to be happy for other people. Mother's day was a struggle as I had thought that we would be expecting by now and I would get to celebrate it for myself besides all the mom's in my family.

I just now have to get through the last few days of school, and then I get to rest for the summer.