To baby talk or not to baby talk? That is the teary answer....

Why is that talking about babies with some people is like tearing your heart out, but around certain people you can do it without even shedding a tear? When it comes to baby talk certain people make me just cry like crazy. I am upset, do the pity why me stuff, and just don’t want to be around them in general.

Today I was hesitant to go out with some of my very good girlfriends. They both are moms of two cute girls. They share something that I don’t, and neither one really truly understand what I am going through. They have given me the just relax, maybe this so and so will work. So I was hesitant. I woke up thinking I should have just come up with an excuse to not be there. Besides what is the fun of having a rare brain disease other than to use it to get out of going to things you don’t want to be at, or doing things you don’t want to do. Anyway, I still got up, took shower and got dressed, the whole time thinking why I am I doing this on the last friday of my vacation. I should stay home and do nothing.

Nope, I went down stairs took my thyroid meds, and then made breakfast all while having the worst muscle spasm in the middle of my back. I could barely breath without it being painful. That would have been a good excuse, I can’t move because of my back. Nope, got ready, left early to stop and get the metformin I am supposed to start today, and drove all the way there.

I dreaded spending the day with them. I dreaded eating and then walking the mall. Instead, I enjoyed myself. I didn’t freak at how many calories was in something, I just went with something sensibly priced and fit in with my calories. I didn’t use food to overcompensate because it just felt right to be there with them. We caught up, gossiped, talked about babies (got to brag a little about my adorable nephew), talked about my medical concerns, about theirs, and realized that they really are trying to understand what I am going through. They get it. They may not ever have to face it, but they get it. There was no more what if you do this or just relax, it was is there a way to pay for IVF. It was, I agree paying that much (or in our case taking out a loan) for something that has a low success rate just isn’t something they would do either. They understood because she asked, “Do you mind if we go look at baby stuff?” Those are true friends.

They allowed me to share without judgement. We talked about anything and everything. They listened and offered support. Today was exactly what I needed. Guess what, walking into the baby section wasn’t so bad today. Walking the mall wasn’t so bad today. Did I have my bad moments went I could feel physically it was becoming too much? You bet, but I pushed on. I made it, and I had a great time with friends I never get to see any more. Today gave me a little hope that one day wether it is by pregnancy or foster/adopt we will have a little one. Just have to wait a little longer, that is the hard part.
So thank you to my friends, two wonderful women who unknowingly helped me today and showed me the true meaning of friendship.